The Diary of a Hopeless Romantic

:''(

2011-11-17T03:18:00.000-08:00

I don't get it. So we meet (finally), and it was great. Then 2 days later, he stops picking up my calls and doesnt reply my million smses. I was there. I was right there. Why did he do this? He is completely ignoring me so I have no idea. I guess it is obvious that he just didnt care enough. But dont I at least deserve an explanation.

He must know how much this is hurting me. But still nothing. I was right there. During our drunken conversation, he said he didnt deserve me. But why does he make me feel like I dont deserve him?

Words cannot express how upset I feel. And I cant really tell anyone just how broken he has made me.

I am glad i got to see him, even though it was for a short while. I am glad i get to touch and smell him. Hold his hand and kiss him. But it feels more painful now that I have done all that. I think about him all the time, and it hurts that he probably doesnt think about me at all. It hurts that I cry alot about it, and he is probably smiling and having fun without any thought of me.

This really hurts.

Europe Season 2, Pain Episode 3

2011-10-18T05:34:00.000-07:00

I leave for Europe tomorrow night.

A flight I booked only a month ago.

It all started like this: 4 years ago I had an opportunity to go to Germany and to meet W (who's from a neighbouring country). A guy, who is so significant to me but I am so insignificant to him. Long story short, I had asked W to meet me in Germany, but he never did. Most sane people would have been done with him, but I am a silly girl. He said the right things to me at the right time and I couldn't be mad at him. I don't think I will ever be mad at him for long. If you asked me what my biggest regret in my life would be; it would probably be that I didn't just go all the way to him.

So why is W so significant to me? I have no idea. Think it was a millenia ago that we had that connection. But oh that connection.... something you read about it novels and watch on a blockbuster movie. Reach for the stars, over the moon, backflip kinda connection. At least that's what i thought happened. But i must have imagined it because it seems he has no recollection. I've searched and searched for that same connection. Came close few times, but never the same. I always thought that we were so similar, so exact that we often finished each other sentences (and I'm a sucker for someone who can finish my sentence).

We grew apart but I always kept him close in my heart. Hoping that we will one day meet.

So about 2 months ago, I started feeling this strange feeling like the cosmic universe was signaling something to me. A few strange coincidences had led me to believe that this was the right moment that I've been waiting for to finally go and see him. To finally see if he is a fiction of my imagination.

So I went to a tarot card reader and she didn't give me the good news that I wanted to hear. She told me I was wasting my time and to move on. (Yea yea, i already know this.) All the negative advice just made me want to prove her wrong so badly. A few days later, an opportunity came up to go to Germany. I knew this was definitely a sign. All the stars seem to align itself perfectly for this moment, all pointing in the same direction. Its the time for me to correct the mistake I had made 4 years ago.

I told him of my intentions and I knew he didn't sound to enthusiastic but he agreed anyway. I told him if he was not comfortable with it, that he should tell me before i made the commitment. He said ok, but i should have known better. No one in their right mind would have been honest in that situation.

So about a few weeks ago, he stops coming online, doesn't reply my facebook messages, doesn't pick up my calls, no replies on sms, nothing. Nothing. This should have been clear to anyone with a brain, but again, i'm a silly girl. It's not that I'm blind, it's just that I can just accept that he is doing this to me. That he is just going to ignore me until my trip is over and I have to go home. I mean who does that? I must be the worst person in the world to deserve this treatment from anyone. He must think that I am his really annoying psycho stalker or something.

So it's clear as daylight that he doesn't give two shits about me. I have wasted my whole entire life savings on this 'cosmic universe calling'. I will come home broke and to a job I dislike. The one thing I have held on for 6 years, the one thing that helps me wake up every morning, the one goal i've been working towards, the number one on my bucket list, all gone down the drain.

It's too late to take back anything. I will still have to go on this trip. I pray to god that he will be merciful and let me have a good time. If god is in a good mood, maybe he will throw W or a better version of him my way.

I will be on this trip with my fingers crossed the whole way through and hope for the best. I expect some tears and shitty moments; but I need to make the most of what ever crappy hand life has dealt to me. Damn you tarot card lady.

To W,

I always thought you were perfect. Well at least perfect for me. And I always thought you were a carbon copy of me. But I really hope I was wrong. Because I never want to be anything like you. I would never ever treat a person the way you have treated me. I still love you in a sadistic way, but you are not perfect for me. You bloody hell don't deserve me.

Love Lost and Forlorn

2008-06-10T07:11:00.000-07:00

Everywhere I go
He's there, staring back at me
Like a ghost of my memories
A reflection of my mind

There are no words of comfort
There is no peace in my head
Only the sorrow that consumes me
The pain i feel inside

heart vs head

2008-05-16T23:39:00.000-07:00

im done.
i dont want to call you.
i dont want to be checking up on you so you would talk to me.
i want to stop fooling myself.

but if i leave, you wont come find me.
you wont come after me.
you wont ask me to stay.

but i want you to.
i want you to say you miss me.
i want you to come running after me.
i want you to look for me when i dont show up.
i want you to say you care.
i want you to tell me i mean something to you.

but i dont.
so if i leave, i will lose you.
and thats the last thing i want.
but its the right thing to do.

Wheres My Sense and Sensibility

2008-02-28T00:11:00.000-08:00

EMO ALERT!

Ive been reading Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen and one of the main chars Marianne falls in love with young and dashing Willoughby who both have a total attraction to each other and enjoy each others company completely. But then he tells her he has to go away and wont be back for a long time.

Some of u might see how the nostalgia has hit me. Longing for my summer romance in which i met and fell in love with my prince charming. Only for him to disappear and not tell me. (you know its you if your reading this).

I was so frustrated when i read that Willoughby left. In my head i was screaming, "Why did you leave her, if you loved her so!" So there were strings attached and the path ahead was difficult, but with time and patience, it might have worked out.

I was beyond frustrated now, flipping through the end of the book frantically, wanting and needing to find out if Willoughby came back to Marianne with a million apologies and a hoping heart. Wanting and needing to know my own destiny, if he would run back to me and tell me he was an idiot and that he was sorry.

Willoughby and Marianne did not end up together. Annoyed of being a hopeless romantic, i threw the book on the floor and ran for my only source of comfort.

The magic 8 ball. I knew that he would tell me straight forward without fluff or sugar coatings. I asked if i would ever see him. The answer was as plain as "No".

I've done my part i know, and i know somewhere in the future, he will look back and regret. For i do not see how he can lie to himself that we were anything less then perfect.

SPIW

2008-02-27T23:52:00.000-08:00

Ive been an intern for 2 mths now and i think ive been treated well and am pretty lucky to work in a very relaxed enviroment. I get decent work and i dont get bullied. But there are other people i know (and i have experienced a little) that have to do this ridiculous work. You know, making coffee, photocopying, stamp licker, etc.

I have to pay 1k+ rm to do my internship, i dont see why i need to pay to do something like that. Not many interns get thier money's worth and many do not get paid. Many do not even learn anything about thier field of work.

So ive started the Society for the Protection of Intern Welfare (SPIW). Help me help other interns who have been mistreated and misguided by thier institution. Together we can make this world a better place for interns.

:)

attention whore

2008-02-27T23:49:00.000-08:00

Its funny how someone likes u for some time and u have no intentions of having anything with that person and actually avoid that person. Then u find out he likes another and you get jealous.

Am i just missing the attention or what?

Customs Killed my Christmas

2007-11-16T23:41:00.000-08:00

I got my package from Germany, my prize for 4th place. My sis woke me up and told me and i was so happie... jumping out of bed to go open it. It was like christmas! i felt like a kid happie to open presents! But when i opened the biggest prize (the wooden settlers of catan set), it was empty. The bags and casing were there, but absolutely nothing in it. Empty. Zip. Nada. Zero. And the latch was broken.

It felt like Christmas was ruined. I was waiting so long to get it, just that damn box. We suspect that it might have been customs or the baggage handlers. But theres no way to prove it. So Edwin said he will email them and try and get a replacement. I really hope so, cos i love that set sooo much.

But if anyone knows how to find out what happened or who i can sue for taking my prize, please tell me.

Stop Haunting Me

2007-11-16T03:08:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to do different things to distract myself. I want to forget him and things that remind me of him. Cos i know this is getting unhealthy. If he has no concern for me why should i care about him. So im doing different stuff, just trying to keep myself busy.

I was checking an old chat (imvu) and then i see that hes on my friends list. I didnt even know he was on imvu! Where can i go where he doesnt haunt me.

So im getting involved with an old fling again. Hes always been nice to me and hes a good guy. But with him i see so much of him that i wish was different. That i wish was more like the person im trying to forget. I wish we had the same passion, i wish he was just as crazy and fun.

The thing about him (the person i want to forget) is that hes my total equal, and i love that in a partner. We can do the same crazy things and have arguments over religion for hours. I love that he mentally stimulates me. I love the fact that hes practically my twin cos we are so alike in so many ways. And i miss that. And every guy that has come by for a year+ has been compared to him. I know it, i just didnt want to admit him. I wouldnt say i love him, cos i dont think i do. Its just that ive put him on a pedestal, a benchmark. He is my ideal man. I just need to forget that he is, and move on to next best or better.

Facebook Whore

2007-11-15T09:28:00.000-08:00

Ok so ive been neglecting my blog. So what have ive been up to? Honestly... facebook. Its sad but its true. Everytime im online its what ive been doing, facebook.

I joined this really cute program there called Human Pets. Its so much fun. You get to buy people, including your friends and you get to name them whatever nickname u want. And people get to buy you too, so theres alot of nice clean fun. I'm hooked. I got an awesome owner and i love buying cute men with long hair.. Hehehe...

I'm such a facebook whore.

PS: Run just reminded me that my birthday is in a few weeks, and i havent planned anything yet. argh! i have to wait for my elder sis to get back from china before i plan anything and my younger sis wont be able to make it cos shes join to Langkawi.. sucks.

Wrong Dog

2007-11-15T07:50:00.000-08:00

im emo~

My friend from US and i were talking about going to visit him when i go to US next year. He was talking about the stuff we can do and how i would love to meet his dog. And the first thing i thought was 'yea i always wanted to meet Tobey (Wojtek's dog)'. I dont know how it popped in my head but it just did.

And just as i thought about it, my music player plays G&R- Don't Cry. Which happens to be my Wojtek emo theme song. Argh... I swear my computer is trying to make me depressed.

I always wanted to meet Tobey, i heard so much about him from Wojtek, and how hes so cute and silly and smart. Argghhh... wrong dog Triona, wrong dog!

Blondes Have More Fun

2007-11-07T20:47:00.000-08:00

I woke up 3 days ago and decided, I WANNA BE BLONDE! It just hit me like that, i open my eyes and figured i needed an excuse to be bimbo. So i did it! I was abit reluctant, i was afraid i might look abit ah lian. But i think it suits me, sad to say.

Still slightly copper
My roots are super blond while the rest of my hair is dark blonde
Im Blonde Baby!
With flash it looks red :/

Mini Gathering

2007-10-29T05:15:00.000-07:00

Edwin making a speech

Ryan handing me my trophy. Check out the camera flashes :D

Edwin is a doll.. he organized a gathering with some of the guys because of my good performance in Essen. And there was a mini prize giving and food :D

Theresa is a doll too... gave me free food... yummy spagetti.

Edwin made me make a speech >.< i didn't know what to say lol. He made a suprise announcement that i will be automatically qualified to go USA for GenCon next year! woohooo! how cool is that.

Travel log- Mulheim, Dussledorf Day 6

2007-10-29T05:13:00.000-07:00

My room in Mulheim

9.45am Mulheim- Day 6

‘All my bags are packed and I’m ready to go’

But my damn flight is only at 9pm! That’s 11 hours with nothing to do. I got to check out in a few minutes. I’m sitting on the windowsill, which has been my ‘spot’ for the last week. I’m breathing in the place I’ve called home. I was getting really used to it. But I’m excited to go home. Where its warm and cozy.

‘’im going home, to the place where I belong’

Ah well, got to check out now, then wander the streets looking for sausages.

3pm Dussledorf- Day 6

As for Wojtek, he was a no show. He told me he tried but couldn’t get enough money. I don’t blame him, 5 days notice isn’t much. But I was dying to meet him. I’m surprised I let him so easily in my heart after a year of no contact and after what he did to me. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have the enthusiasm I have in err…. Rekindling what we had. So now I got to get him out of my heart. But it isn’t as easy as letting him in. Fuck-

The tournament next year will be in USA and all my favorite contestants wasn’t so sure if they could make it (Too far, visa problem). So ill have to wait again in 4 years to go back to Germany. The same people might be there and too many years will definitely change what Wojtek and I have. But if he is willing to try, ill be saving to go to Poland.

Till then muirn beatha dan. Till then.

Travel log- Essen Day 4 and 5

2007-10-29T05:10:00.000-07:00

9am Mulheim- Day 4

OMFG. The tournament is today. Wtf, I’m not ready! All they want me to do is get ranking 33 and higher. If Ryan and KK couldn’t do it, what makes you think I can? I’m so damn nervous. What if I get last place?

9am Mulheim- Day 5

Yesterday was amazing. I never thought I would do so well, or make that many friends, but I did! I made 6th place after the first day, and I was practically a social butterfly. I had laughs with the Brits, American and Canadian. I was the closest with the Romanians, very funny guys (who btw, flirts and plays footsie to win, not that I’m complaining). I witness the Swiss snort tobacco, or that’s what they say it is. The Polish were pretty cute, I hated the Finish guy, last years champion, but in the end were cool. The Slovenian I swear was being controlled by Cthulu.
In the end of the day, I had 2 wins (10+10pts), 1x 2nd place (9pts) and 1x 3rd place (7pts). Not bad actually.

The organizer is a freak! And I want to get freaky with him…. Rowr…

Sorry back to topic, well I qualified for Day 2. So we will see how I do today. I recon I’ll loose to the damn German in the first round and spend the rest of the day taking pictures.

8pm Mulheim- Day 5

The tournament was surreal. I did waaay better that I ever thought I would do. I actually made it to the finals! But I had 8pts, which was good enough only for 4th place. I know I could have done better, but I’m soo happy nonetheless. I’m the first female to have ever qualified to the finals! Girl Power!

There was soo many people watching and cheering for their fellow countrymen. I felt pretty upset at that time. Where was my country? I’m the first Malaysian at this finals and I had no one to celebrate with (except Edwin, his wife Janice and son Shaun, god bless u guys).

But I made trillions of friends, and in the end they were the ones edging me on, to carry one, giving me that confidence even though I screwed up so badly. The Japanese, Romanian, Polish were behind me, watching. I was glad for all the support I could get. (Love u guys)

In the finals with me was last years champion (Finland), a Latvian and a Brit.
It was a hard fought game for me. I constantly had to struggle out of a mistake in my starting position. But I managed to scrape through with 8pts! Which is miraculous considering the shit I was in.

I think I made a good impression there. I was well liked, and was rooted by a lot of people I just met there. In the end the Latvian won, and I think he deserved it. He fought a difficult battle.
The Japanese are really nice guys. They gave me biscuits ^ ^. And a puzzle! They were always rooting for me, for Asia! They were also trying to pimp their contestant off to ally with me. I guess that’s why they were giving me stuff. Bribe! Ahahaha! But I like them, total fun!

Its such a change from my first few days here. I was so lonely when I got here and I wanted to go home. Now that I’ve made so many friends, and have so much fun, I’m missing the place already. I’m missing everyone I met, I miss drinking, smoking (snorting), laughing, gaming, bitching, having dinner with these guys. I miss getting free beer and cookies from them! And I might never see them again. Maybe some I will see in Speil 2010.

The sponsors I think took a liking to me and perhaps because I was the first female. They gave me a wooden casing settlers of catan worth 250 euros! Which is awarded to the first and second placing only! Aha! Freebie! I’m excited to go home, yet I don’t want to leave, but I wouldn’t stay if they people I’ve made friends with weren’t here.

Final Standings

Winner- Arnis Buka (Latvia)
1st Runner up- Alan Farrell (Britain)
2nd Runner up- Markus Nuopponen (Finlad)
3rd Runner up- Triona Leo (Malaysia)

4-56place- Some of the coolest and friendliest people I’ve met in a long time. I had a blast with them. It has been truly a great experience, I doubt I’ll forget.

Tournament Pics

2007-10-29T03:44:00.000-07:00

Me and organizer... *giggle*
My prize giving
Its christmas!
The Spielzentrum and the finalist
The crew with the finalist

Winner Arnis Buka (Latvia)
The Host. damn cute
My prize giving
The guy on the right cam whoring with my cam. lol
Yumm

The crowd
The Polish, Juliusz Gajewski and Andrzej Rabczuk
Final game crowd with winner Arnis Buka
The board
The final

Setting up the final
Starting positions
Me showing signs of giving up
My bad first 2 turn cards

My semis with Peter Jähne, Claus Sorensen and Ferenc Emanuel Kiss
Me and my smoking buddy Nicula Octavian

Slovenian Bostjan Gorenc being eaten my C'thulu
The top 16 minus the top 4

Last years winner Markus Nuopponen and another guy
My semis game.. before it got serious
The other semi games1
the other semi game 2
the other semi game 3

Day 1

The Swedish Christoffer Angmark
The Japanese, the press dude, Yojiro Ogawa, Takeshi Onishi and Kazuhiko Tani
Me and the japanese

Malaysia Boleh
He so cute
My 1st game opponents

Travel log- Mulheim Day 3

2007-10-29T02:55:00.000-07:00

2pm Mulheim- Day 3

I told Edwin I was sick so I could skive off today. Didn’t want to spend another 9 hours looking at games.

So I slept in and woke up to have breakfast, then went back to sleep :) Around noon, it was too noisy so I decided its time to explore Mulheim Zentrum. So I walked all over town and took pictures like a normal tourist. There’s this pretty little church there I wanted to go in and see, but when I reached the doors, I realized there was a funeral going on inside. So no church for me. Owh and there was 4 kids rolling a joint behind the church. I love Germany.

I walked on what seemed forever (30 mins) and I saw this nice park. So I went through the gates and walked around a little. But u see, it wasn’t a park. It was a graveyard. So I was pretty spooked and I tried to find a way out, but it was a big graveyard. For the first time in Germany, I started to sweat. I managed to find a way out thankfully. I went to the mall, bought some pastries and sausages now, as I write. Even buying stuff from shops was such a hassle because I couldn’t speak the language. I’m making a mental note to learn a bit of the native language before I go to another country. All I know in German is Yes. No, Hello, Thank You and Hitler. Not very useful if u ask me.

Triona: “Guten Tag. Kann Ich err… Hitler haben?”
Hello. Do you have err… Hitler?
Receptionist: “WTF?”
What the fuck?
Triona: “Ja”
Yes

Its bloody cold outside, so I’m defrosting in my room, hibernating for now.

Mulheim- Day 3 (I dunno wad time, my clock is moving too fast)

I got kicked out of a bar because it was closing, at 8pm. Wtf kind of bar is this? I miss Malaysia, even at 3am, we consider the place closing early. Everything starts at 10pm, here everything closes by 8. I had problems trying to find my hotel, I think the place moved.

The fucking bar kept playing emo songs like ‘Eternal Flame’ and that song
‘I cant live, if living is without you. I cant live, I cant live anymore’

I mean fuck you. I’m sitting in a bar alone on a Friday night, so far from home, I don’t need you to make me emo. I have no problems doing that on my own. Owh and im drunk again.

lol. weinburger...
random

these are houses! houses!
Adolf street.. i had to take a pic
lovely park isnt it? >.< stalking 2 old ladies in the graveyard
huge graveyard >.< im moving to germany >.<

Travel log- Essen Day 2

2007-10-29T01:48:00.000-07:00

6.00pm Essen- Day 2

I’ve been in the convention (Speil) since 10am, and I was done by 1, This place is huge! It’s like 12 convention centers in 1. Boardgames, Cardgames, RPG, Computer, Miniature, Larp, Comics, Art, you name it, they got it.

I bought myself 2 boargames (in German >.<), card sleeves and dice. Would have bought more but I don’t want to overspend.

I realized something; men with long hair turn me on. And in Germany, 50% of the men, have long hair. Yumm Yumm. They are so fucking hot! On the way to Mulheim, I was sitting next to this man in his twenties, long hair, ripped jeans (yummy legs). OMFG, he was giving me hot flashes I swear.

Even with the ultra hot men, I’m feeling so bored and lonely. It’s hard to make friends here because of the language barrier. But the few I’ve met that could speak English are pretty fun. I’m definitely not a person who should travel alone. I’m restless and bored and its making me emo. How come my mp3 player only has emo songs?

I have to wait for Edwin till 7. Wtf does he do here 4 days, everyday from 9-7. I don’t want to come back here if I had the choice! I’m so unbelievably bored! I left my phone in the car and my mp3 is running out of battery (and I didn’t bring a charger). Feels like I’ve lost communication with the outside world and my source of comfort. I can’t wait to get back to Mulheim, take a shower and go to sleep! This would be the only time I go to sleep by 8pm. Owh and I’m kinda drunk.

ultramarines at the gw booth

Leeeerrroooy jenkins!

i thought it was real too

*giggle*

LOL. i hope he got paid alot

Check out the mohawk

Poker table

Costumes! look at the shields!

Some ang mo pretending to be chinese

I have no idea. but it looks like fun

Spot the pirate

Pikachu!

Fuck Fate and the Stupid People Who Believe in it.

2007-10-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

I dont get how my heart fucking works. He walks back in my life 1 year after disappearing and i so willingly get so infatuated with him. For what? For him just to walk right out of my life and leave me feeling stupid and foolish.

I guess i was in love with the idea of him coming back and carrying on where we left off, when we were so infatuated with each other. It would have been perfect. But thats not how it is. I dont know why im making a bigger fool out of myself by hanging on, hoping, making excuses for his absence.

Its been so long. I'm sure he's changed, I'm sure hes not the man i once knew. I'm sure he doesn't care for me like he used to. But why do i cling on to the possibility that it might not be that way?

I asked him if hes thought of me in this 1 year, and he said many times. Does that mean he felt bad for walking out on me, and didnt really forgive himself? Did he miss me? Does he miss me? So many questions that will be never be answered cos he's disappearing from my life again.

Then why did fate let us cross paths again. I've missed him so much this few weeks. As my friend, my partner in crime, my lover. Why did fate decide to remind me of him and then take him away again. Why am i expecting so much, maybe thats whats freaking him out, and making him leave.

I need to get him out of my mind. Forget him. Stop. Quit being such a hopeless romantic. I should forget my plans of going to see him. It's not worth it, not for someone who doesn't give a crap about me, and probably never did.

Travel log: Mulheim -Day 1

2007-10-25T10:52:00.000-07:00

6.00pm Mulheim - Day 1

Eventhough I don't speak their language and they dont understand me, the Germans have been very kind and helpful. This nice old lady even walked me from the train station to my hotel in the rain! She kept speaking in German and i answered in English. No idea if we even were talking about the same thing.

This nice man actually followed me on the train to Mulheim so i wouldn't be lost. Bloody nice people. Mulheim is beautiful.

A train station in Mulheim.

Outside my hotel

This is a freaking post office. WTf?

Pretty church near my hotel

I got lost...

Travel log: Dusseldorf- Day 1

2007-10-25T10:44:00.000-07:00

4.00pm Dusseldorf - Day 1

I haven't heard from Wojtek. So im guessing hes not coming. I'm trying not to be disappointed but i can't help it. i just wish there was someone else here with me, to be lost with me and to be the only ones who speak english.

The song 'Don't Cry' by guns and roses keeps playing in my head. It's making me emo but its also making me feel better about Wojtek not being here.

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before

Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight

Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you
And the times we had...baby

And please remember that I never lied
And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby

I thought there would be more english speaking people here. I was so wrong. I had to speak in one word sentences, frantic hand gestures and constant flipping troo my German translator book. Lets hope Mulheim and Essen gets better.

Travel log: Dubai- Day 1

2007-10-25T10:22:00.000-07:00

4.30am Dubai – Day 1

When i first stepped into Dubai Airport, i was amazed at how huge it was. It definitely put KLIA to shame. I can certainly say that i wasn't bored during my brief 4 hour stay. There was enough drama.

Dubai Internationa Airport

1) i was surprised at how everyone was so relax and comfortable sleeping on the floor. I can safely say there was was at least 100 people sleeping on carpets or plain marble floor.

Random people sleeping

2) There were 2 gentlemen having a huge fight. Yelling almost fist fighting. And these were businessmen. They were wearing suits, carrying briefcase and all.

3) I got hit on by 4 'shiek' men in these golf kart thingies. They were zooming by, hitting on chicks like they were in some ferrari. It was soo hilarious.

4)The smoking section was this tiny booth in the middle of the airport. It was so amusing looking at 20-30 people trying to smoke in a small circle.

Smoking zone in Dubai

Travel log 1

2007-10-16T18:51:00.000-07:00

KLIA 1am
waa... so nervous. Im gonna be all alone. it was so dramatic looking up at my family waving at me as i walked off into the sunset (customs). i got so many calls and everyone was treating me like i was going to be gone forever. (ill miss u guys too) hey wait a min, maybe they were happy that i was leaving. :?

Swimming Orgy

2007-10-16T03:45:00.001-07:00

Last night had some crazy swimming session at Sham's place. Sham, Jolene, Blur, Ida, Ryan, Govind, Muru and I were there. Theres this cool slide at the pool. So we were bored and decided to go on the slide together. One after each other. Ida was wearing shorts so she always was really slow in going down the slide. So when we came right after her, there would be some traffic jam. We would all ram into each other halfway down the slide and then all fall into the pool together.

It was painful! I got my back stepped on, hit my head on the slide, kicked in the back. I got bruises everywhere! It was so violent but it was so fun! It was pretty wierd too. There was so much body contact that it was almost an orgy. i think i grabbed Govind's butt at one point and Sham's leg. As for other body parts, i shall not mention here. i it was super fun and i cant wait to do it again! But i gotta wait till i come back from Germany.

Status: My flight is in 6 hours.
Still no news from Wojtek. I hope hes selling his ass on the sidewalk for money or something. :P

Wooot

2007-10-15T09:21:00.001-07:00

IM LEAVING FOR GERMANY TOMORROW!

Dont go on stealth missions while wearing red

2007-10-15T08:59:00.000-07:00

I was at the department store today with my mom. Just some shopping before I go to Germany. And I saw this nice red satin lingerie, and I really wanted to get it. I blame Run for putting that idea in my head. She said I should get some and turn Wojtek on.

So while my mom was looking at shoes I quickly tried it on and went to the cashier. But there was this super long line, and I had to wait. But I got really scared that my mom would see me buying it. If she saw me at the counter i could dump the lingerie, but then she would be wondering why i was waiting in line. I don't want her to know what i was planning in Germany!

I had to keep my head low the whole time and hide, but i was wearing red so im pretty hard to miss. But i manage to perchase just in time without mom catching me. The whole time she was walking nearby looking for me. I was freaking out!

Its all your damn fault Run!

With all this trouble i really hope Wojtek can join me in Germany. Or not it will be pretty depressing. Me in lingerie drinking myself blind.

Old and Sleepy

2007-10-12T09:16:00.000-07:00

Im feeling old. I feel tired all the time and I never get enough sleep. I stress like a 50 year old. And I'm so worried these days that i have insomnia.

I remember the days when I could stay up everynight to play games and wake up early for class and then game the whole night again. Now I'm tired even before 6pm.

I've been working everyday for the past week. And this weekend I have to pull off a 14+ hr shift for both saturday and sunday! I'm gonna die! The things i do for money.

Well u would think that at 1am I should be asleep. but I'm waiting online.... trying to stay awake. barely coping. But I want to talk to him online. So i'll see how long my insomnia prevails.

I'm leaving for Essen on Tuesday (Wednesday 2am actually). I'm not ready. It's not enough time to work my ass off for money or get him to come see me in Essen.

I need sleep.

Call me, baby

2007-10-11T21:24:00.000-07:00

This is really weird. My mood has been fluctuating the whole day. First I was upset that I couldn’t contact Wojtek then I was excited because I thought I could get it. Then I didn’t get it. Then Cheryl calls and gives me the number so I’m thrilled. I was practically bouncing off the walls and then Wojtek doesn’t show up online liked we agreed to. And he didn’t pick up our calls. So, I got ditched by him, again.

I want to think that something probably came up or he’s sleeping that’s why he didn’t come online. But that’s just making excuses for him. I guess I’m still sore about the time he ditched me and didn’t bother calling me for months.

I don’t know why he ditched me this time. Its not like I called him to ask to get married with me. I just wanted to meet up with him in Europe, probably my only chance to. And hell he didn’t even have to meet up with me; we just planned to meet on MSN!

I got my hopes up a little to high this time. And I should have known it would turn out this way. I just had some stupid fantasy about going to Europe with him. Like we wanted to a year ago. But 1 year is a long time. He could be married with kids for all I know.

I waited online, tired as hell, but it took me forever to contact him, so I didn’t mind waiting a little bit more. I know I shouldn’t be upset; it’s such a small thing. But I guess I just had a wake up call from fantasyland.

I got really emo and text him. Said something about he didn’t have to lie to me if he didn’t want to speak with me. (Sorry, was damn emo.) I had too many flashbacks about last year too. He really hurt me; I guess I never forgot that, although I thought I did.

But if he didn’t care about me, why does he read my blog and he sounded as excited as me when we spoke on the phone. I guess if he didn’t leave any messages on my blog all these times, I guess he really didn’t want to be in contact with me.

There’s probably nothing I can do besides whine, be emo and get drunk *hic*. So ill wait, see if what happens. I want to see if he really was avoiding our calls. If he would even bother making an excuse. Or if he would even contact me at all.

I asked the magic 8 ball some questions.

Q: Was Wojtek avoiding our calls?
A: Signs point to yes

Q: Was wojtek busy the time we agreed to meet up online?
A: Ask again later
A: Signs point to yes

Q: Will Wojtek bother contacting me to say sorry?
A: Very doubtful

Q: Does Wojtek care at all
A: Without a doubt

Fuking magic 8 ball.

DAMN YOU WOJTEK

2007-10-11T00:02:00.000-07:00

Ever since i was going to Germany i cant help but to think, this is my chance to go see Wojtek, my Polish friend. We were really good friends some time back, but lost touch of each other. (he abandoned me and joined the army or something.)

I realized that Poland is right next to Germany. And i don't think i will be going to Europe again anytime soon. So i really wanted to meet him. And Krakow isn't exactly near to Essen. But i thought i try my luck and contact him anyway. Since i lost my phone, i lost all my numbers, including his. And he doesn't come online anymore. So this is the shit i had to do to contact him.

Contacted some old friends that might have their numbers. (Brayden, Lachlan & Leo) And they weren't easy to contact mind u.

I searched him on various sites. (Myspace, Facebook, Skype)

I googled his name and his sisters name.. but i didnt know how to spell his last name.

I sent him offline messages on MSN and Skype.

I send him emails on 3 different emails. They didn't get delivered. Guess he hasnt been checking his mail.

I went to Google Earth... i dont know why... but i wanted to try everything.

I bugged my friend Cheryl. She said she might have it. But it was in her old phone that's lost in her boyfriends house. She searched the house and found it! She called me while she was checking for his number. I was so excited but i figured she probably wouldnt have it. But she did! She had 1 message that she didn't delete in her inbox. How lucky!

So i text him this afternoon. I was waiting like an idiot for his reply... still bouncing in my seat. Ryan must have got bored waiting and called him. He just passed me the phone and i was practically screaming! I was so happy! I've been trying to contact him for weeks and here he is on the phone! AAAAH!

It was so nice hearing from him. I felt so relieved. But i had to get off the phone cos Ryan's credit was running low and Wojtek had to go for class. And i found out he's been reading my blog. YOU MORON! All this time you read my blog and you couldn't leave a message or comment! NOT A SINGLE WORD? Do you know how long I've been looking for u? But its nice to hear from u anyway! :D

I'm meeting him online when he gets back from class. Then there will be more yelling and cursing. And ill see if i can arrange for him to meet me in Germany. <3

Lesson Learned

2007-10-07T16:27:00.000-07:00

I want to be happy. I want to be grateful that I'm going to Germany. I want to say im excited. But right now i cant be. I never knew winning the tournament came with so much baggage, so much drama.

Everyone thinks I'm some backstabbing power hungry person now. Somehow many people have the impression that i back stabbed my way into winning the tournament. I don't know who i back stabbed or why people are calling me so. I don't see why they would have thought that i back stabbed my allies during the tournament. Well i have no idea cos no one is really giving me a straight answer.

I've been so worked up about this. These people i thought were my friends for years now, And next thing i know they having some bitching session about me. The things some people told me was a little too painful for me. If they were really my friends wouldn't they talk to me, to see what really happen? Won't they try to find out my side of the story at least? Or do they already think so lowly of me.

It hurts to know that your friends are talking behind your back about something u didn't do. Perhaps these people aren't really my friends. The more i think about it, the more i think its true. Anyone who knows me well enough will know that my conscience will kill me if i did it. I'm hurt. I'm offended. I can't stop obsessing about it. And perhaps its what they want me to do. Feel guilty, make me regret winning.

So in a spur of the moment, i decided these people aren't worth being friends with anyway, if they could do something like this, even when they know it would hurt me so much. So i deleted their phone numbers from my phone. Dramatic i know, but it was what i really wanted to do. I'm so mad at them for even thinking i would do something like that. I'm so hurt that that no one dared to tell me. For that one person who did, even if u didn't tell me everything, i am truly thankful. You made me realize many things today.

Queen of Catan

2007-10-01T07:30:00.000-07:00

I wake up from my nap and it feels like its all been a dream. I’ve been crowned the Queen of Catan and I was showered with attention from my many admirers and of course the press was captivated with my magnificence.

Ok I made that all up. But what actually did happen: I won the Malaysian Settlers of Catan Tournament. *cue for gasps* I actually won the tournament! Its unbelievable, I still cant accept it. I didn’t think I would win at all! I didn’t trash talk this time, I barely practiced, I got only 3 hours of sleep, I got wasted the night before and came to the tournament still drunk and having a hangover. I was just in to have a blast!

*note: Settlers of Catan is a boardgame*

I made an awesome friend Karan (call him Karen please, he gets annoyed when people do.) Karan and I had an impromptu alliance that stuck out till the end, and without him I wouldn’t have gone far. Cheers!

I think I made a few enemies there. Im sure Ainul, Ryan and Bryan were pissed of at me at one point. I felt like winning had a price, people are going to start to hate you! But I don’t think I did anything mean, I did what I needed to do to win. And I didn’t backstab anyone or be deliberately mean or anything like that.

Let me tell u what I won! HOLY SHIT I GET TO GO TO GERMANY NEXT MONTH! Wooohooo! I won an ‘almost’ all expense paid trip to Essen, Germany. I am qualified to play in Spiel 2007 and of course I get to have a fancy self-proclaimed title. I like to call myself the Queen of Catan. Extravagant isn’t it?

I get to stay at Essen for 2 days free of charge, but Spiel 2007 is 4 days. So Edwin the organizer suggested that I go 2 days earlier so I can go for the whole convention. I have to pay for my own accommodation too. Edwin was going on about experiencing the other games there and how I’ll be able to try new games and see the gaming scene in Germany. And I was thinking, hell no, I’ll be there during Octoberfest. I’m going to party like crazy. Owh yes, and I want to go sight seeing and shopping and eat sausages!

The part that’s bothering me about the whole trip is that I will be traveling alone. They are only sponsoring 1 person this year instead of 2. I would have loved to go with any of the finalist. I’m sure we would have tons of fun together. So I’m pretty afraid to travel all the way there to a foreign country and all alone. My mom was pretty worried when she heard this. I don’t blame her, how she to trust me when I don’t trust myself! But perhaps I will learn a few things there. Learn to be more independent? I know its only 4 days, but 4 days feels like forever when you’re alone.

Settlers of Catan

2007-10-01T07:27:00.000-07:00

Round 1

This was a horrible game for me. I had horrible placement and horrible luck. It just wasn’t going for me. I was ready to loose and head over to Sanctuary for more beers. My other opponents was Ainul, Karan and Vincent. These players were nasty! They were good, and pretty vicious if u ask me. Karan was winning for the start, he got really good placement and luck. He had so much control over the game that it was him who decided which one of us would qualify alongside him. (top 2 qualifies to the next round.) Karan was hilarious, he was the only one kidding and joking around and just having fun! I had a blast playing with him, and I don’t know what posses him to pick me over the rest, but he hooked me up, (Karan: who wants 3 brick and 1 wood for anything? Triona: wtf? Pick me pick me!) And we both qualified.

*I hope I didn’t offend Ainul, he is a great friend to me and my alliance might have cheesed him off. I understand why, I got played out by Andy last year. So cheers Ainul, u will always be my fave Catan player!*

1st: Karan
2nd: Triona

Round 2

Now this has to be the most difficult game in the tournament. My opponents were Ryan(lasts years champion), Dennis and (insert name here). I was so clueless in this match. I thought there was no alliance and it was just free for all. But what I didn’t know was that Ryan and Dennis were partners in crime. They were so sneaky about it unlike Karan and I. I didn’t notice the alliance until it was almost too late. Ryan was about to win already, and I was in second place followed by Dennis and sneaky (insert name here). Ryan was stalling the game a lot and I noticed that there was a lot of trading going on between Ryan and Dennis. And the trades seemed to favor Dennis more. Well Ryan didn’t need anymore points, he just needed Dennis to get higher points then me to qualify. I was so stressed and nervous for this game, my hands were shaking, I was stuttering. I was so damn scared. Dennis and I were tied for 9 points and we both needed just 1 more point to win. I was freaking out of my mind. I almost won but had to get rid of half my hand. But in the end Dennis lucked out and I got lucky. The die roles favored me and I managed to bag that precious 1 point.

*Ryan is an amazing settlers player, he will always be my biggest challenge.*

1st: Ryan
2nd: Triona

Final

My opponents was Bryan(my ex, hahaha), Karan and Ryan. This has got to be the most intense nerve wrecking game I have ever played. It was a game where if u made 1 wrong move, u are fucked. These players are the top of their game. They knew what they were doing; there was no cheating them or manipulating them. There was barely any trading either. I managed to do well in this game, I had 8 points and all I had to do was build 1 road and I would steal 2vp for the longest road away from Karan. Ryan told me to just win it. I figured that if I claimed victory now and its Ryan’s turn next, he has a high chance of scoring 1 point to make 2nd place. They were all pretty far from getting 10 points before me so Karan asked if I could stall for 1 turn so he could get another 1 point and then only I can take his longest road. I was a little bit scared but I agreed, he helped me out earlier, so I need to return that favor. Ryan then gets pissed at this and gives Bryan 3 roads so he can build the longest road and it will be hard for me or Karan to win. This is when I felt really stupid, I could have won but decided not to and I almost lost the game to Bryan. Bryan actually announced that he had won already, but he had miscalculated his cards and was short just 1 card for the win. I almost died of a heart attack! Karan’s turn was next and feeling really sorry he scored 1 more point and he was now tied with me. Bryan 9 points, Karan 8 points, Triona 8 points and Ryan 7 points. But now Bryan has 4 roads more than me, so I need to build 5 roads to steal that 2 points from Bryan. Seemed impossible. But again my dice roll was amazing and I managed to build 5 fuckign roads for the win.

*All 4 of us have agreed prior to the final game that we should split the 2nd place prize amongst all of us so none of us will go home empty handed. The 2nd place prize happened to be 1000dollars worth of boardgames. Im glad I didn’t win and waited for Karan, I don’t think my conscience would have let me go if I just won that round.*

1st: Triona
2nd: Karan

Guilty as Convicted

2007-09-25T23:20:00.000-07:00

I searched Friendster dying for some way to contact any of Kent's friends. Lucky enough i did find his colleague! So i message her, and asked her if she knew how to contact Kent cos i really wanted to wish him happy birthday and see how he was doing.

This is what she replied:

“hello, i'm kent sis in melaka ... his is not feeling well now! n he cant talk much, sleeping everyday!tq for caring for him ya......take care....”

That was it. No contact number, no information, nothing. I don't know what i was expecting messaging her. But whatever i was expecting, i sure hell wasn't expecting this. I was disappointed. I wanted to know more, i wanted some way to talk to him myself. Wanted to know how he was holding up. Wanted to know if he was happy. I was hoping that he was doing great, anything, anything but this.

Now i feel so ashamed of myself. That i didn't keep in touch with him. That i didn't check up on him sooner. Its not that i didn't want to. I was afraid, afraid of hearing exactly what his colleague told me. That he wasn't doing well. Its not that i forgot him. I think of him everyday since.

I'm so upset now. When i saw her message, i was in tears. I don't know why. I don't know what i should do next. Don't know if i want to see him lying in bed, helpless. I don't want to feel more guilty than i already am.

It's partying time!

2007-09-23T23:32:00.000-07:00

I’ve been caught up in birthday plans for the past few days. It’s my 21st birthday party, so exciting! I know I know… my birthday is only in December, but I can’t wait! I even bought my birthday dress 6 months in advance. (Still working on the shoes).

I forgot how hectic and stressful party planning could be. My sisters agreed to help me plan but they haven’t started (hint hint) so I’m getting the ball rolling.

Location
At first I wanted something big, like renting a hall and pimping it to be some club (watching too much My Super Sweet 16). But my sister suggested doing it in my dad’s pub, Mandolin. Small and cozy but potentially fun. I didn’t like the idea at first but now its really grown on me. I’m really hoping to do it there, but with the bar open on Sunday’s now, it will be hard to have a private party. That means there might be some drunk old men there, Ew. So location is yet to be confirmed.

Guest List
The perfect number of guest I think will be 40. But the list I’ve made has 55, and I counted couples as one. So that’s around 70 people, way too much. Lets say 20 people don’t come; I’m still stuck with 50 names. Looks like I have to cut some names off. The last party I had with some friends, we had to short list a few names as well. The people we short-listed because we just had too, took it personally and still give me shit about it, and the party was 2 years ago! So I have no idea how I’m going to do this now. Guest List yet to be confirmed.

Theme
I really want to throw a party with a theme. But everything I come up with seems too fancy (masquerade) or perhaps a little boring (Casino). So maybe ill just have like a colour scheme or something. If anyone has any cool ideas please do tell me. Theme, not available.

Alcohol
My dear mother has been buying alcohol bottles for my party already! But I do think she overbought gin and vodka. I hate gin, I sure hope u guys don’t, cause I aint drinking it. Current Stock Check Stands At = 16 bottles of alcohol

4 Bombay Sapphire
5 Vodka (mostly Absolut)
2 Whisky
2 Baileys
1 Tequila
1 Bacardi Rum
1 Coffee Layered Liqueur (not sure this is for me)

I guess we need some beer, and perhaps more tequila and whiskey. Alcohol and Beverages, confirmed.

Food
No idea what I’m going to do about this yet. Ryan says he’s getting his awesome chicken pies, the one he had on his birthday. Those were awesome, thanks Ryan. Since Armand mentioned the roasted lamb leg, I haven’t forgotten about it. And will try my best to put it in the menu. My sister suggested just finger food and concentrate on it just being a party. The less I spend on food the more I can spend on alcohol. Sounds tempting. Food yet to be confirmed.

Sound System and Music
I’m hoping to rent really good speakers so it will be loud and pumping! As to what music I will be playing, I want it to be majority trance and tecno, but Ill squeeze in some r&b, just for old time sake. Andrew and I was thinking of mixing up a country song with some feng tau beats, try and see what we can come up with. Blur also requested if his band can play a few songs. I would love for them too if I can get the proper equipment. Let them promote their new band, Andrew and I can play our country ah beng remix and hopefully I can play one or two of Harris’s mix that he’s been working on (haven’t asked him yet). Just to see how people like it. Music, working on it.

Deco and invitation cards
I was thinking of printing out cute pink name cards as the invitation. But the time I confirm all the details it might be too late to get it printed in time. But I do really want to do this. It will be sooo cute! And I want awesome lighting. Some flashing lights.. so it will feel more like a club. Need to go hunting for this.

Looks like I really haven’t done much since nothing is confirmed. But I sure hope to get everything planned and sorted out by November. I will keep the updates posted here for I’m sure some stuff wont go as plan and I’ll be stressing and whining.

I wish for world peace

2007-09-23T20:53:00.000-07:00

What do you normally wish for on your birthdays? Just before you blow out the candles, everyone staring and watching your every move. The heat coming from the candles, the room suddenly feels really stuffy. So u choose some random wish like world peace and blow out the candles as fast as you can.

But if you really had to think about it, what u really want for that one special day, what would it be? Money? Some fancy car? Rich and drop dead gorgeous spouse? I always wondered what people normally wish for on their birthdays. But u know the saying, don’t tell or it wont come true!

But if I had just one wish, effective only on that day. What would it be? There’s a million things I could wish for! Money, Some fancy car, Johnny Depp as my husband. But I what I really want is the power to influence anyone.

Can u imagine the things I could do and change in just one day! So many things I do not agree with, like the way some countries are governed, POOF! I can change that. Oil prices baby! How bout cigarettes and alcohol prices. How many music acts I can get to play here in Malaysia (They normally cant). Free clothes! Johnny Depp here I come! Geez… I can even get world peace for a day! Hell I want to be president of USA. Hey why not Queen of the World!

Ok I’m getting over-excited. But I guess I know why this whole genie in the bottle thing doesn’t happen. Because you get power hungry people who get too excited and ruin everything. So I’m going to go back to wishing for world peace. Less exciting, but less dramatic.

Sms just isn't long enough

2007-09-19T17:56:00.000-07:00

As Kent's birthday approaches, i know that i can't put off contacting him any longer. The fact that he moved to Kuching and doesn't use his number anymore, has been a great excuse for almost a year now. Its not like i haven't tried contacting him. Ive tried his friend's phone many times, but i think he changed numbers. To make matters worst i lost my phone so i lost all possible ways to get his contact.

Ok for those of u who don't know, Kent is my ex boyfriend that met a freak accident, is paralyzed on his right side and to top it all off he has memory lapse and cant remember anything that happen one year before the accident. Dramatic, unbelievable, but i kid u not.

I'm determined to get his number by his birthday. But its going to be really awkward when i do. I haven't seen him since he was in a coma in the hospital in Melaka. And he probably doesn't know who i am. I guess he would know me as the girl that was making funny faces at him when he woke up from the coma, but thats about it.

Theres so many things i want to tell him. Sms just isn't long enough to say everything i need to say to him, so I'm going to have to call him. But what do i say!

Triona: Hi Kent! Long time no see! Remember me, your long lost ex girlfriend?
Kent: Huh?

Triona: Hi Kent. You don't know me, but i know you.
Kent: Huh?

Triona: Hi Kent. I think about you everyday before i sleep, i been dying to tell u how much i miss you and love you.
Kent: Huh?

Triona: Hi Kent. Ive been meaning to call you and talk to you, but i was scared so i didn't. So after one year i finally get the guts to call u and see how your doing.
Kent: Huh?

Triona: Hi Kent. Its me Triona. You remember me right. The girl who couldn't stop talking to you when you were in a coma. And the one who bailed on you when you got out of the coma.
Kent: Sorry. Wrong number.
Triona: But Kent! I love you!
Kent: (hangs up) toot toot tooot tooot

There is no possible way the conversation wont be akward and uncomfortable.

Mission: The Condom Strikes Back

2007-09-18T03:26:00.000-07:00

It's time for revenge! I'm still upset about the whole condom in my bag event. So I'm planning revenge! I know i should get back at Jasrye, but hes sitting behind me (Hi Jasrye.) So the easiest person to get back at is... Nicky! Thanks to Ryan's brilliant planning, we got lipstick and tampons and were going to slip it in Nicky's baggy pants. He will never notice.

Ill make sure all the guys are there for Mission: The Condom Strikes Back!

1)Slip tampon and lipstick in Nicky's pants
2)Get the guys to 'wrestle' Nicky
3)Get someone to accidentally spill the contents of Nicky's pocket
4)Blackmail him.

Muahahaha......

I ain't no Ho.

2007-09-16T10:55:00.000-07:00

Arrrggghhh... I'm so frustrated! Jasrye, Nicky and I were watching movies on the comp in the cyber cafe. And I had left my bag on the other side, so I asked Nicky to pass me my bag. He grabbed my bag wrongly and spilled all the contents on the floor. While me and Nicky were busy picking up my stuff, Jasrye dropped a condom packet on the floor, without Nicky realizing it. The look on Nicky's face when he saw the condom on the floor was pure embarrassment for me. Ok so here i am, an innocent girl, with a condom packet in my bag. Arrgghhh! I was so unbelievably embarrassed! The look everyone gave me was unbearable! They were asking me why i carried a condom with a bewildered look on their faces. Now everyone is going to think I'm a ho. Dammit!

how to get owned on international news

2007-09-15T03:14:00.000-07:00

I'm sure everyones heard of the interview BBC made with our foreign minister Dato Syed Hamid Albar. The interviewer, Sarah Montague, is hilarious. I was amused throughout the whole interview.

Ok so here's this ang mo, talking about the bumiputera status, like she even lived here for a year. She got her facts right, she knew basically what was going on. And its scary to say that i think she got the point more than our dear foreign minister did. Sarah was vicious, and i think she got frustrated that Syed Hamid denied everything and made it seem like were happy multiracial country. But come on, who was he kidding? That wasn't the tourism channel, he didn't have to fluff everything.

I admit i too got frustrated at everything he said. I was even yelling at the computer screen. I'm sure a lot of us was yelling too. I was surprised Sarah didn't attempt to strangle him, cos she sure hell looked like she was going to. Syed Hamid even asked her not to get so over emotional!
There were many things that bothered me during the interview. He said the bumiputera were given these extra rights because they weren't doing as well as the other races. The household income of the Chinese and Indian cultures were higher than the Malays. So it was like “helping the unfortunate.”(<---i quoted.) Sarah had asked why the top post of the ministry cabinets have only been Malay. What annoyed me was that Syed Hamid basically didn't answer the question. He skirted the issue by arguing with Sarah.

Upon being questioned that people of other races were angry about it, Syed Hamid replied that the Chinese and Indians are just talking about it, and that we aren't really angry about it. He also mentioned that were free to talk about it as we please. Yea I'm sure we are, thats why were all huddled in a Bahkutteh store, hiding from the ISA when we talk about it. What about laws that prevent us from publicizing anything to do with racial matter, or that we can't question the rights of the bumiputera. This is the LAW!

The issue of converting out of Islam was also mentioned in the interview. Sarah had given 2 examples of cases where 2 women wanted to convert out of Islam and was not allowed to. Syed Hamid totally denied everything, he claimed that 'people who wish to convert was free to do so'. I don't know which guai lou he was trying to convince, cos he sure hell didn't convince us. I don't know how he had the nerve to pull that stunt.

There was a part in the interview when our foreign minister said to Sarah that she wasn't Malaysian, she wouldn't understand. I understand what he meant by that, i do wish we had a Malaysian interviewer. But then again he might have been dragged off by the ISA.

This is the link to the interview. Please take the time to watch it, we all should.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/hardtalk/6992908.stm

racial issues with a cup of teh tarik

2007-09-13T03:56:00.000-07:00

I’ve been playing with the thought of being a journalist for 2 years now. I thought I would be just like Louis Lane reporting for the Daily Bugle. Be smack in the middle of the action. Hiding in the bushes and eavesdropping the get a good story. Catch a government official red-handed doing something illegal. The thrill of it all excited me. The thought that everyday would be something new, a new story, a new adventure.

But then I had my media law classes and I realized that u can’t write everything u want to, even if its true. We are barred by so many limitations that are supposed to protect us, but also make us blind. We are restricted from writing issues that are deemed too ‘sensitive’, like race, religion or government corruption. But if it is really going on why shouldn’t we have a say in it. Why shouldn’t the public know what is going on? Is the government really trying to protect us? Or protect themselves?

I heard from a good friend in JB that there have been racial riots going on there. Apparently it’s been really bad, and many people have been hurt and even killed. And this was happening around our country’s 50th independence day. So maybe I understand why it was hushed up a little. But 2 weeks after Merdeka and still no news report? Shouldn’t the public be aware of what is going on in their own backyard? Just for safety precautions? So u don’t just walk in JB on a bright Sunday morning and get slashed. I do understand why they have to hush it up, I do. if people start hearing there’s a racial riot going on, and some Malay guy accidentally spills coke on an Indian guy, and there we go, a full blown racial riot. But really, isn’t it better to address the issue then hushing it all up? Its not like were all bloody blind. Were going to find out about it sooner or later. So why try to hush it up? Lets talk about it for a change. Lets all go to a nearby mamak, order a teh tarik and talk about it. Maybe have a group hug, who knows. But it sure hell beats pretending its not happening.

But my point is, what happened to good ol’ journalism? When did everything have to be controlled by an overprotective government? Even the Internet. Take Namewee for an example, all he wanted to do was share his music and talk about how our country isn’t as perfect as we want it to be. That’s it! All he wanted to do was talk about it and maybe have a huge cyber group hug session. Ok so he chose the wrong background music. But he’s a talented musician, and likes our national anthem so much he made a remix. So give the man a break.

Anyone for teh tarik?

Negarakuku by NameWee

2007-09-13T03:55:00.001-07:00

Man, im never going to forget that movie

2007-09-12T18:11:00.000-07:00

U know how u watch a really good movie and u say to yourself “man, I’m never going to forget that movie.” Well how many movies do we really remember for the rest of our lives? Do movies even have that big of an impact on our lives that it still effects us today?

I remember when Pearl Harbor came out and there was such a big fuss about it. And honestly, I don’t remember jack that happened in that movie. Ok I know its about Pearl Harbor being bombed by the Japanese… that much I know from history. I vaguely remember it had something to do with 2 guys (one of them Ben Affleck I think) and a random hot chick. But that’s it really. And I think I watched that movie 3 times.

On the other hand, I only watched ‘It’, the movie about a freaky clown, once. I was really young but I still am very affected by it 15 years down the line. I’m always afraid to look up when I’m in a public toilet, I keep thinking that a clown is going to appear from the ceiling and kidnap me. I’m also dead afraid of mirrors (thanks to ‘It’) I refuse to have a mirror in my room. I use the one in my sisters room, and have a habit of turning it around when I’m done using it. Of course this used to piss my sister off. But I rather have my sister be pissed off at me than a have an angry clown come out of the mirror.

I don’t really remember what happen in that movie. And I’ve considered watching it again. Just so I can say to myself “That’s it? That’s what I was afraid of?” but what if it is as scary as I remember? I hope I don’t have to go through another 20 years of being afraid of a clown. I mean can u imagine a 40-year-old who’s afraid of public toilets?

Stephen King's It

2007-09-12T18:04:00.001-07:00

quenching the thirst

2007-09-12T09:23:00.000-07:00

dear diary,

i realized i really missed blogging. i missed writing. so what the heck... lets start blogging again! (cue for cheering) problem is... life isnt too exciting right now. between work and classes, theres no time for galavanting... which means, no interesting things to blog about.

but hell, im sure a spontaneous saggitarian like me can come up with a few interesting things to say or do.

i decided to keep using my old blog. keep all the posts i have done. the ones im totally imbarrased with as well. :/ that way everyone can see how much ive changed (if i actually changed at all)

well hopefully this thirst for making an entertaining blog with get me off my lazy butt and find something interesting to do! cos i sure hell need it.

artistic impressions

2006-03-30T10:38:00.000-08:00

theres a trip to cameron highlands for my photography class at the end of the month. its for 3 to 4 days i think.

im planning this super drinking session. total...every night until we get alcohol poisoning!!! i think we would take better photos if we were drunk lol. artistic impressions of everything.

im sure someone would plan to jump off a clip and we can take an artistic picture of that..

trying to get this hot guy to come along so i can be very artistic with him.... *slurp*

god i love artist!

lost for words

2006-03-30T10:36:00.000-08:00

gosh now that ive brought back my blog i seem to be lost for words.....

shyte

theres only the two of us

2006-03-24T03:22:00.000-08:00

you know how in movies or books they have this scene where two people meet and they stare at each others eyes and nothing else matters to them? the entire world dissapears and the only people around is just the two of them.

well ive been lucky enough to experience this. and yes people it actually exists!

my ex boyfriend and i met up after ignoring each other for so long. and we had loads of fun, its the first time weve been civil with each other in soo long. and in the midst of laughing so much our eyes met.

i cant describe exactly what it felt like. but i will try.

it felt like we were transported into a different world and all was standstill. all the noise and everyone else just evaporated. all i saw was him, all he saw was me. there were only two people in the world... us.
i cant say i was thinking of anything....it was only feeling. he felt my cries and my pain, he felt my love for him and the deep connection we had while we were in the relationship. i read his soul, everything that he wanted to tell me and couldnt. i read his hopes. ive never felt so close to someone in my life.

i knew then that he loved me and that he never stopped loving me.

everything else didnt matter. they guy i was dating faded from my mind. it was the same for him too. all our problems didnt exist.

we spoke with our eyes and our souls. i heard his pleas for me. the promise that all will be better once he found his place in life, and that he never meant to hurt me. and that it was only right if we were together and that one day we will if everything was right.

it was the most beautiful experience i have ever faced. and yes, its just like the movies and sappy books. it was perfect.

im back..with a vengence

2006-03-24T03:18:00.000-08:00

yup....its been too long. i dont know how often i will post considering im so unbelievably busy. but i promise il make effort. i know i probaby lost alot of readers and have no idea how to tell them that im back.

its been a hard and difficult year for me. ive been tested in so many ways that im not sure if i managed it at all. everything is rather blurry and i will try to update everything i should have over these past few months!

thanks guys fo requesting for my blog to come back.

memoirs of a geisha

2006-01-02T04:37:00.000-08:00

well on the bright side. im looking foreward to a lot of things this new year.

i cant wait for memoirs of the geisha to come out. im practically obsessed. i loved the book, i was mesmerized by the culture and the beauty of it all and i hope the movie would be just as good.

i love this picture!!! its just exhuting beauty!

this is a lovely picture! very dramatic!
our very own michelle yeoh is so elegant and beautiful! im so proud of her! gong li is so hot!

why am i not happy anymore?

2006-01-02T04:22:00.000-08:00

the new year is here...great, well looks like the times when i used to have fun is slowly dying. more and more i find myself more reserved. more and more i feel i like life is moving on without me.

i think more. my imagination is going overboard.

i feel my friends going on through life like i was never there. i feel a friend is taking over my place and that everyone has forgotten me. like i was apart of the old times.

ive changed. i know i have. so much in such short time. i dont like the new me. i feel happy when im alone and ive feel sad that im lonely. its confusing. fine..im more tolerable now. i dont jump on peoples throats as often. but why am i not happy.

why am i not happy anymore?

Pink Floyd -wish you were here

2006-01-02T04:04:00.000-08:00

Pink Floyd -wish you were here

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skys from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade
Your heros for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

christmas...fuck yea

2005-12-26T06:42:00.000-08:00

christmas....god i hate it!
its got the ability to make you all warm and loved. but it also has the ability to make you feel cold and extremely lonely.

especially when there is nothing to celebrate. and no one to celebrate with...

im especially confused this christmas.
my ex and i kissed. and considering the fact that i thought i was over him, a hell load of feelings started surfacing. well i thought i still wanted him and i thought that maybe he still had feeling for him.

and then the guys i used to date started coming on to me really harshly...and i didnt know what to feel.

my friend seems to be wanting all the guys there is. shes got a boyfriend but keeps on wanting more. im worried. especially for him.

on the great side, i actually have loads of fun at rudys party.
i went there with my new black dress (which was supposed to make me look innocent, but ended up showing LOTS of cleavage), my new bob hairstyle (my hair is gone!) and my angel wings. aside from flashing everyone, smoking like hell, spend most of my time at the bar and was seen drinking lots; im sure i looked like an angel!

im glad christmas is over!
now i can relay a lil. and get the rest i need so badly.

the frog

2005-12-13T02:54:00.000-08:00

well its the last of my exams now.....im freeee...yipeee.

went to watch a movie with my classmates. the fog(frog.)

we were at the counter and i dared my friend to ask for tickets to the frog. and meng did it!! the guy at the counter said...."ok six tickets to the frog. what isle would you like?" he didnt even realize what we said!

from that we had inspirations on going and ordering a Mc Fluffy asscream from McDonalds and falaffles and asscream from the Waffle Station. had loads of fun...

and dont bother watching the fog. its a totall waste of time. interesting story line......but thats about it. it was so bad, that they had to put in a sex scene just to make it interesting!!

my friend nikki even fell asleep!!

the frog would have been a better watch!

i think the frog would have been more interesting.

party party

2005-12-11T04:55:00.000-08:00

so the party....

i think everyone had fun.... we drank alot...did stupid things. (must get ben to get rid off the videos)

there was just too much lesbian action if you ask me. and too little ''triona getting yummy action''.

must get ben too...cos he watched and recorded everything but he didnt do anything.

poor poody.....i saw his arm and it looks horrible. and it so hard for him to do things like opening a bottle. poor dahlin.

and my col mates went. i hope they had fun too. but i invited arrmand and he mistook the day apparently. (fucker)

and i cant believe that they tried to make me lap dance them. and they tried to pay me alot as well but lap dances just isnt my thing lol.

gavin is cute but im dissapointed

2005-12-11T04:41:00.000-08:00

well my birthday is done and over with. well i thinkit was pretty good. thanks to everyone for coming. really apprieciate it! well the party was awesome but i cant help but feel disappointed. why???

1) some very important people i invited didnt show up.
2) in the process of party planning i realized that my friend is using her boyfriend.
3) i missed watching julius caesar cos i was broke.
4) then i realized that that gavin yap(the reason i wanted to watch julius caesar) is a totall hottie. and i didnt realize it! well i know he was cute just not that unbelievably fucking cute! and now i missed my opportunity!

i mean how fucking hot can this guy be!!!

2005-12-02T00:26:00.000-08:00

ok..i know i haven't posted in ages. but i find it hard to write anything without mentioning how i feel. how do i write normal stuff when all i can think about is how empty i feel. how do i keep pretending that nothings wrong when im dying inside. i dont know how long i can keep up with this game. i tried talking about it with people. but everyone seems like they are too busy too listen to my sob stories. everyone has got their own shit. but i need to let go i need help, i need my friends. but i just couldnt bring myself to write anything in blog. how can i tell people im on the verge of suicide and that im too depressed to eat. how can i when people are going to look at me with pity like they always fucking do. they look at me like my lover died or they dont look at me at all! and there are the people who are really concern, and they would ask me if im okay. IF YOU FUCKING READ THIS THEN YOU WOULD KNOW THAT IM NOT FUCKING OK! and how am i supposed to tell people whats really going on (because they are going to ask) when everytime i think about it or talk about it i cry. in fact im crying in the cyber cafe now. people must think im some emotional freak. which coincidentally i am. im messed up, how i managed to keep a straight face when i go out i dont know.

what sucks the most is that he still misses me, but there are just too many complications. why the fuck does he have to have a midlife crisis now??? why does he still look at with does fucking eyes. the eyes that say so many things that he cant. im fucking depressed. i dont know how long i can cope with this. my exams are on monday and when i study, everything seems to remind me of him. in fact, everything i do, every fucking place i go reminds me of him. i dont get why i feel this way....he was supposed to be a fling, but now i have fallen in love with him a little too late!

nothing i can do

2005-11-15T04:34:00.000-08:00

well im single now. i really miss him but there is nothing i can do about it!

ive joined the dark side

2005-11-07T23:56:00.000-08:00

remember that posting i made about magic: the gathering being evil? well i think ive gone to the dark side then.....ive been hit by the bug. its so bad that i drafted twice yesterday and im borrowing johans book on ravnica. well i guess the story line is just too interesting for me too pass.

well like riz said: "if you cant beat, join it!". well i guess i couldnt take the fact that my boyf was spending too much time with magic that i decided to join as well!

sigh..... i hope i know what im doing!

took out the video

2005-11-01T07:29:00.000-08:00

i took out the video clip, realized that some pcs hang because they cant load it and it takes ages to load! well hop eits better now!

magic is the root of all evil!

2005-11-01T07:17:00.000-08:00

Magic: The Gathering is the root of all Evil!!!

i know michelle has beaten me to this posting but its true!! magic is the root of evil. for you guys who dont know what magic is, it a card game that separates all lovers. my relationship is in ruins because of it. he doesnt have time for me because all he does is play magic. there is no end to it. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY! he doesnt even have the time to FUCKING LOOK AT ME!!!

magic = time and money

time = money, therefore

magic = money and money
= money2

money is the root of evil, therefore

magic= evil

its all scientifically proven! there is no denying it!

lots have happened

2005-11-01T06:42:00.000-08:00

wow.... havent posted in awhile..... well time to make up for it so many things have happened!!!

let see...

1) i had a huge argument with my boyfriend......extremely huge....im talking about yelling on top of my lungs crying like there is no tommorow kinda argument. we manage to talk it over and we decided that it is time for a break. he wants space to think about things.

2) i dont know if i want to still be with him. if he is always so god darn busy and have zero time for me then i dont think its worth it! and he keeps ignoring me. im not sure if its him that i want or its being someone that i want.

3) he kissed me in public....he never kisses me in public, around all our friends. it surprised me, shocked me.... but i loved it. of course i told him that he was mad...im confusing

4) went to wolfs bithday party. the day started pretty slow with people drafting, playing twister, charades and i played this drinking game called animosity or something. where you deal out a card to everyone and the person with the highest card gets to choose someone to drink a shot. the person who drinks gets to make up a rule...like no one can say the word 'drink'. well the key to this game is to SHUT UP. and well i cant do that and the more i drank the more chatty i got. in the first two mins of the game i had downed 5 tequila shots. at the end of the game i had 15 tequila shots, 2 whiskey and coke and this foul thai drink that i think was the one that caused me to be drunk!

well all i remember was me lying on the floor, me trying to kiss mark, me making out with zidek and me passing out in the bath tub. what i heard later was a lot of different versions of the story which some arent true.... there was me molesting mark, me sucking face with zidek repeatedly. wolf seeing me naked, me flashing everybody, and everyone trying to breakdown the door that i locked myself in cos they thought i might have drowned myself.....god knows what happened but i think i rather not know. i had fun. all the girls got drunk and when we woke up the next morning we had a laugh about everything. great party, great fun! hope everyone had as much fun as i did!! ;)

5) played with fireworks in ryans house for deepavali. had good indian food and just sat around chilling.

harry potter on speed

2005-10-22T01:37:00.000-07:00

i got home about 1 last night and my sis was still awake. so i was bugging her to entertain me cos there was nothing to do. so we played speed and harry potter trivia game until 4:30. i cant believe we actually did it. but it was fun to play kiddy games. havent done it in awhile.

and yes i do own a harry potter trivia boardgame!

really wierd event

2005-10-22T01:30:00.000-07:00

i was sitting in the bus stop waiting for the bus yesterday. and there was this guy around my age who just walked up behind me, and ruffled my hair and walked away. i thought it was someone i knew so i was trying to put his face in place than i realized i didnt know him at all. by then he was just too far away for me too pull my kung fu moves on him (yeah right). i was just sitting there with a puzzled look on my face so the two girls in the bus stop was looking at me wierdly.... i had to explain to them that i didnt even know him for them to stop staring. then they started bitching about how men from malaysia are jerks.

really wierd event....had to blog it.

i guess i really do like him

2005-10-22T01:24:00.000-07:00

i guess i was being inconsiderate. he gave all the space that i needed, but i didnt give him enough space. well he is asking for a lot of space. and it was very different from when we first started, he wanted to be with me all the time.

its changed now.

and i guess i did blame him for someone being pissed at me, but that doesnt change what he did.

i cant just forget that he stood me up, didnt call me when he said he would, ignored my calls and avoided me all in one day.

why do i put up with him??

i guess i really do like him alot huh....

falling into a wall

2005-10-19T23:20:00.000-07:00

i think im falling for him. the only shit thing is that he probably wants out. i guess i have to accept it. i dont really have a choice. its just that im so fond of him. we used to spend everyday together. im just so used to being with him.

i think i might be heading straight into a wall. and its my fault i didnt stop.

looks like maybe i really need to give him more sex!

speech

2005-10-19T22:49:00.000-07:00

Just finished my speech for.......Public speaking. I talked about suicide. and I think I aced the speech! My lecturer said that she would have given me full marks.. But there is no such thing as full marks in English.....Or something like that. She commented that whoever going after me would have a problem living up to my speech!! IM sooo proud of myself!

on a darker side, my class mate that made a speech on obesity. and here is this skinny ass girl telling people about the bad side of being obese. she was pretty much mocking obese people. thats not all.... there was this big guy in the exam room....and i think he took offense towards the speech. im not obese and i was offended. way to go skinny girl!

evrything has gone wrong

2005-10-17T19:50:00.000-07:00

i dont know why its dissapointing me so much. is it too much too ask for a little time together.

i had such a shit morning. i woke up with a msg saying maybe i should leave him. its not surprising that i cried. been so emotional for the past few days....i think im still crying a lil. everyone just thinks my eyes are watering cos im sick....great cover up. my hands are shaking uncontrollably. im trying my best to hide it.

so i pushed my emotions away for the time being and decide to go for class. well i got to college, but there was no class. i have 2 hours till class actually starts. so im waisting my time, fucking around. i need a smoke badly, but i havent eaten anything...so i know its a bad idea to smoke...since i am sick after all.

ill probably be meeting him later.... wether we talk is a different matter entirely.

why do i feel so depressed?

hate nightmares

2005-10-17T05:29:00.000-07:00

had a nightmare yesterday. heres just some of the details.

- my boyfriend was cheating on me with a girl from the shop (sierra). i was too stupid to see it happening. when i confronted him about it he just said she gave him better sex. he didnt care at all. he was mean and cold to me.
* i have this sneaky feeling this dream is trying to tell me that he really doesnt care.
* also it could mean that i should give my boyfriend more sex.

-the lecturer that i sort of have a crush on kicked me out of class and banned me from it. he was so pissed at me, he refused to say anything to me.
* think the dream is trying to tell me to forget about flirting with the lecturer and focus on the subject.
* it could also mean that my efforts arent good enough and i need to take remedial flirting lessons.

-my friends all started to ignore me and stop hanging out with me.
*maybe i should be nicer to my friends
* or maybe i need new friends.

i woke up crying. loosing my friends and failing in college suprisingly didnt hurt as much as loosing my boyfriend. i guess he does mean a lot to me.

sick and wierd

2005-10-17T04:47:00.000-07:00

been sick as shit. coughing up barrels full of phlegm. ewww....i know. had to skip todays lectures too.(not that im complaining really) ive got a copy cat in college. she tries to copy the things i do, tries to like the people i like....really wierd!

mega bitch

2005-10-15T02:08:00.000-07:00

i have declared myself official mega bitch! i always was a bitch but now i am a MEGA BITCH!!

here is the story:

i was hanging out with ryan and my exes girlfriend was walking around with aluminium foil all over her hair and she saw me there. she was embarrased and she said to her friend "oh my god. oh my god its (insert name here) ex!" she turned away and didnt want me to see her. (i dont know why) i guess she was embarrased about the way she looked. so i said out "oh my god, she looks so stupid!" i couldnt help it. since she was so worried about the way she looked around me.... i just couldnt help it!

im so proud of myself!!!

goo goo dolls-iris clip

2005-10-13T03:20:00.000-07:00

this weeks clip is goo goo dolls - iris. my fave song!!!

fairies

2005-10-09T20:53:00.000-07:00

been in love with these fairies pics. check it out.

type like old people fuck

2005-10-09T20:42:00.000-07:00

i finally finished my public speaking quiz. i finished it in the cafeteria in col in the morning and i was typing my usual slow ass pace when i realized i only had 15 min left to the deadline. i hadnt even finished one page out of my 3. my friend sees my sad attempt at typing and decides to type for me. the time i took to type one paragraph was the same time he took to type my whole speech. how sad is that. i just cut class to go online. class is just to boring.....i hate organizational communication.

aftermath of convention

2005-10-09T20:24:00.000-07:00

well the convention in shah alam went pretty well. i went as a rosie cotton from lord of the rings. there was a harry potter, a sith lord and a grinch. pretty cool. i think the sith lord won the competition though. not sure. i took lots of great pics...but ill upload them as soon as i can. i was there demonstrating pirates and there were these kids there who just wanted to break all my ships. it was pretty sad...i was so fustrated. and there were these kids who kept bully harry potter... they took his wand and kept jabbing him with it. the also took the light saber and jabbed him with it....really funny. i did a talk show thing with harry potter and interviewed people there.then we all buka puasa together all 20 0f us. the restaurant who i think wasnt used to so many customers kept fucking up the orders and it took forever to get our food.

wolf con

2005-10-07T08:07:00.000-07:00

ANOUNCEMENT
anyone interested in boardgames, miniature games, card games or role playing games or just looking for some great fun? well come over to shah alam in the shah alam mall near concorde hotel on sunday and join us for the first ever wolf convention. ill be a hostess there so you can meet up with me and just chill out and have fun. its on from 10am till 6:30 pm. cosplay fans can come over and join our cometition as well...ill be going as rosie cotton from lord of the rings. there will also be a lord of the rings booth so fans come on over. support us people!!!

peeps from the shop

2005-10-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

some pictures from the peeps of the shop. so if you wanna meet up with them then come over.

sad sad person

2005-10-06T22:35:00.000-07:00

im sure all friendster would have noticed that you can now check out who has viewed your profile....want to know whats really sad? there is only one!! how sad is that...and the dude looks like a total creep. im such a sad sad person!

liking you teacher

2005-10-06T22:07:00.000-07:00

was reading this really stupid book that my sis had. its about a bunch of high school kids finally being aware of their sexuality and the people around them....but thats not the point. one of the girls had a crush on her teacher. the teacher wasnt intrested in her but its pretty hard to tell if your teacher is just being nice and helpful because its his job or that he is actually intrested. im puzzled....how would i ever know??

dont ask why im wondering!

i can play video clips now!!

2005-10-06T22:01:00.000-07:00

check it out! i can play video clips now!!! i know it would probably end up like those annoying blogs with the song that keeps going on and on and ON!! but please press the stop button if you dont want to see or hear the song. or if you dont like the song. i will TRY to change the video every week. tried to get creep by radiohead since i posted the lyrics but couldnt find it!

The video of the week is Deftones-Minerva. great song. enjoy!

Creep - Radiohead

2005-10-06T00:21:00.000-07:00

had to put this lyrics in. this is one of my all time favorite songs.

Creep-Radiohead
When you were here before,
couldn't look you in the eye.
You're just like an angel,
your skin makes me cry.
You float like a feather,
in a beautiful world
I wish I was special,
ou're so fucking special.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.

I don't care if it hurts,
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice,
when I'm not around.
You're so fucking special,
wish I was special.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?.
I don't belong here

he's running out the door,
she's running,
she run, run, run, run, run.

Whatever makes you happy,
whatever you want.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special,
but I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here,
I don't belong here.

assignment!!!

2005-10-04T02:08:00.000-07:00

ive got 4 assignments to finish by this weekend so dont mind if you see lack of posting on my side.

assignments to finish

radio- comparison between the morning show on hitz.fm and traxx fm. this requires me to actually listen to the godamned show which is from 6 till 10. considering the fact that i actually sleep around 5 and have col at 9, thats pretty shit.

public speaking-a 10 min informative speech on the topic of my choice. sounds pretty fair actually. was thinking on writing about the reasons on why teenagers commit suicide.

organizationa communication- an essay and a presentation on conflicts in management. boring as shit but its group work so it cant be that bad.

critical thinking- im just supposed to get an article and find the main points in them and write an 800 word essay on it. not that bad

malaysian studies- i have no idea what the hell i have to do

sociology- a 2000 word essay on the westernization in malaysia. pretty intresting but im too lazy to write 2000 words.

assignments that i have completed.

sociology- my friends and i had to do a presentation on sexual harassment. so we did a skit and Meng was the victim and i was the harasser. it was basicly about this girl who keeps harassing this innocent boy and he feels ashamed and it took the girl to molest him before he finally took it to the cops. when he got to the police station the harasser turned out to be a cop. pretty funny.....definately got the crowd. heres my chance to get an A.

abusing it

2005-09-29T22:12:00.000-07:00

really bored in col. sitting around in the com lab with my friends. and im abusing the printer and printing 150 pages worth of playstation game walkthrough. im truly abusing it.

is anybody there?

2005-09-29T22:01:00.000-07:00

is anybody there?

emotions going through my head
my pulse thumping in my wrist
its calling, mocking me,
telling me im a coward
im trying to shut it out
i scream
but nobody is listening
im clutching a knife in my hands
cursing everyone that hurt me
swearing my revenge
the blade is cold against my skin
my wrist opens at my command
warmth leeks out of me
i fell pain all over
theres blood soaking my clothes
but nobody cares

i miss the doggy

2005-09-29T21:56:00.000-07:00

i can seem to stop thinking about the dog. :(

ironic and sad

2005-09-27T01:09:00.000-07:00

the most ironic and saddest thing happen to me today. well as all my readers know, my dog got put to sleep a couple of months ago. and my dog had 7 puppies before that. we gave away a few to our neighbours as we couldnt handle too many pets. last night around 1 am, i wanted to go outside so i opened my gate and i saw my dog. it didnt hit me that i didnt have a dog at that time. then i realized that it was one of the puppies that we gave away to our neighbours. it had remembered us when it was a puppy and escaped its owners home. if you watched the movie lassie you can picture the scene. he leaped up in to arms and started licking my neck and face. i played with it for a bit then went to bed. i named it spot and was planning to dognap it if the owners didnt find it.

in the morning my mom calls me and tells me the the dog followed her to buy breakfast and got hit by a car. my mom was so upset. she saw it all happen. when i went to college i saw the body by the road side but i couldnt go near it. all my hopes on getting a new dog was dashed. it was such a friendly dog. i miss him already.

shit happens

2005-09-20T01:36:00.000-07:00

in the middle of editing class right now and their teaching us to do editing. so im stealing time on the internet to blog.

for those of you who dont know im allergic to chilli. thats pretty sad considering the fact that i live in malaysia. i had an allergic reaction two days ago and everyone in coll is teasing me about it. they keep staring at my lips.

i was pretty bitchy in class today when i passed the attendance sheet to someone to pass in to the front. and she grabbed the paper from me and tossed it on the table, finding it really rude i said out loudly "well someones got an attitude problem!" i think i really humilated her cos alot of people heard and started laughing. felt bad for a bit, but couldnt help it....she was being rude.

i couldnt find my wallet today and panicked! thought maybe i lost it in coll or in 1 utama. then ahmad calls me and tells me i left it in his car....thank god.

amazing woman helps demsell

2005-09-14T01:29:00.000-07:00

i had this wierd stalker experiance on monday. i was on the way home from college on an extremely packed putra bus and there was this short malay man that kept on staring at me. i mean he didnt take his eyes off me even for a second. he was inching closer and closer through the crowd but he didnt do anything. and i was too exhausted to yell at him to stop staring. i didnt want to make a scene. and i couldnt move away from him cos the bus was so packed. so i just let him stare at me, as long as he didnt get physical i really couldnt care.

then this lady in her early 20s nudged her way and stood in between me and and the creep. she then told me that there was this creep staring at me. but was i so confused on why an attractively woman would risk being molested by some creep just so that i wouldnt. (keep in mind that its a sardin packed bus). its amazing. im very thankful for this womans help. and im speechless by what she did.

really that unenjoyable?

2005-09-11T23:44:00.000-07:00

someone told me that my blog is too emotional and write in codes and that makes reading my blog unenjoyable. is that really true??

i dont care what people say

2005-09-11T23:14:00.000-07:00

just having a chat with my lesbian friend. and its funny how she is so paranoid on what people think of her. the thing is i used to be just like that. i lied alot about who i am and what i do. i kept alot of things secret, and honestly i still do. its like everyone knows but they play along in the game. i always worried about what people would say about me. and lately ive been growing with the thought that i shouldnt care as long as im happy with myself. im working on it.

falling, flying and crashing

2005-09-11T22:58:00.000-07:00

how is it when you think your falling for someone you start thinking about someone else.

never thought id be admitting this but, i think im falling. falling so hard that i can get hold of anything. i feel like im flying.

i will hit the ground soon. i know its coming but i cant bring myself to hold on to something to keep me from crashing. its like i want to crash.

im confused. im not sure what im feeling. is it a crush. is it lust. is it only because im growing fond of him. i dont know.

i have to talk to him. i have to prevent myself from crashing and smashing my heart. i cant keep on living this lie. i cant keep on pretending that there is nothing wrong. i cant keep on pretending that everything is okay and that there is nothing wrong.

charlie and the chocolate factory

2005-09-04T23:38:00.000-07:00

watched charlie and the chocolate factory on saturday with ida, rizal and zach. crazy movie. it messes up your mind i tell you!! pretty fun though. johnny depp is an amazing actor, never thought he could act like that. there were some funny scenes (really wierd sense of humour) and wacky moments. cool movie...worth a watch. but be warned that it WILL mess up your mind.

nightmare chocobos

2005-09-04T23:28:00.000-07:00

my quest for chocobos in final fantasy seven is turning to a nightmare. they are all cute and friendly looking.....but NOOOOO.......ITS EVIL. i have close to zero sleep because im trying to breed them. basicly you have to find rare chocobos and train it and feed it and then mate it with a nut(??????). this would give you different coloured chocobos. and then you get this funny couloured chocobos and train them and feed them....basicly it goes on and on. ITS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE! but i have to do it to get the cool stuf in the game. plus its an ego thing as well. zach cant seem to stop making fun of my 'disabilities' in the game.....like my crap damage and my zero knowledge on the game. must breed the chocobos......

kuoks terror bathroom

2005-09-04T23:05:00.000-07:00

stayed over kuoks place on saturday. and hes bathroom is really wierd. the bathroom door is made of carved wood. you know the ones you see in chinese programs. and its got holes in them. its really wierd to take a piss or a shower knowing that everyone is in the room and might see you. really really wierd.

marty casey

2005-09-01T02:26:00.000-07:00

been watching rockstar INXS lately. and boy i am in love with marty casey. he has a voice i can fly with, eyes i can drown in and a smile i can melt with. hes an amazing singer. totally brilliant. hope he makes it all the way!!

tripple choc to keep me going

2005-08-22T23:39:00.000-07:00

stuuck in kdu at the moment. i have class at 4 so that gives me an hour and half to kill. there is absolutely nothing to do here. im bored as hell trying to find something that would keep me going. had this amazing ice cream just now. its tripple chocolate or something.....heaven! yummy!!

im tired too. stayed up last night playing ff7. hehhee.

too much too little

2005-08-22T02:31:00.000-07:00

i guess i havent been updating my blog. well i dont go online as much and when i do post is nothing worth reading anyway. well i have been rather busy. i should have been enjoying the holidays but i was sick for the most of it. i wanted to go for the rave in pd but i was so freaking sick. so my holidays was a waste. and i have to start classes tomorrow. there was so many things on my mind there was so many things i wanted to do.

*im not sure what the fuck im doing at the moment. my brain is telling me stop, but my heart is telling me to go on. the last time i listened to my heart i got hurt really badly.
*im not sure if im really completely over my ex.
*im in totall bitch mode and want to ruin someones life.
*im thinking that maybe i should.
*i feel unapreciated. ive done so much for a certain someone and that person never even noticed anything i did. and it seems like he has a got a replacement for me. i want him to know that i am more than what he would ever get in his life. (pretty deep huh)

bored after exams

2005-08-17T06:34:00.000-07:00

well me exams are done. gotta week holiday.........bored!!! been playing ff7 till i pass out. blah!! just watched the island....worth a watch people....go watch!!!!

not prepared

2005-08-09T23:05:00.000-07:00

arrrrgghhh!!! finals on monday!! im not prepared!! im not! im not!!! arghhhhhhhhh!!!

cute guy

2005-08-09T05:34:00.000-07:00

met this really cute guy in the cyber cafe. well always noticed him, finally got really talking. his name is johan. got his number too. cute...

paul

2005-08-08T02:41:00.000-07:00

talking to my godbrother online. havent seen him since i was still a baby, then would have been bout 18 years ago. nice to keep intouch.